It is just our human nature to be inquisitive. We ask questions to get answers, of course. We want better understanding, and clarity on those things that has us perplexed. By doing so we develop our thinking.

The beginning of the week I asked my husband a ‘why’ question which lead me on a quest to find the answer in my Bible.

It really didn’t take long before I was lead to scripture that I’ve read many times before, but this time it shined a different perspective for me. Which only lead me to ask “why” again. I was like a young child endlessly asking her father (God) ‘why?’

That’s when Papa God dropped this thought in my heart: “Georgia I love when you ask me why.”

My thoughts responded back; “I guess it isn’t like when my children were young. They asked ‘why’ questions all the time, and it would annoy me. I often stopped the endless cycle of ‘why’ by saying: “Because I am Mom that is why,” or “Because that is the way it is, that is why.”

Papa then said: “This is exactly the reason my people are afraid to ask me ‘why’ questions. They think I am going to get annoyed and say; ‘Because I am God that is why.’  I want my children to have understanding and to develop their faith.”

This made me smile to think that Father God likes my questions.

Luke 10:28 (NIV) … (Jesus) said, I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

May I encourage us all, even though we believe we may possess full knowledge let’s not quit asking questions. Our Father in heaven likes it when we are like “children” full of curiosity that leads us to seek.  So, go ahead and ask, and see what things Father God reveals to you.

The Lord laid it on my heart the end of last year, that my husband and I would be making a transition. I didn’t know what that meant for my husband and I, but I knew something exciting was going to happen. Then in March he got a new job, which we would be moving to Tennessee; three states away which excited me.

I knew that the things would move quickly and we would have to prepare however I gave my employer (a non-profit organization) a 30-day notice. I love the ministry so it’s somewhat hard for me to say goodbye. Two weeks before I moved to be with my husband I woke up from a dream. In this dream I was at work and on the carpet was a name handwritten in the carpet. I didn’t know anyone by that name, so I figured that this person was going to replace me. I did what I thought I should do; I prayed for that person.

Upon moving here to Tennessee my husband had told me that he wanted me to pursue those things that the Lord has laid on my heart (for years) to do; write and dedicate more to ministering to women. Up to this point it has been more of a one on one ministering.  Trusting God as I met with women (young women) in the MI prison. I learn to allow God to do navigating for their healing. It was wonderful, HE always gave me the words to say, and I learned so much from these beautiful young ladies. I was truly blessed.

It’s been nine weeks since the move and I am in the process of writing my book; The reason why I feel the need for pregnancy centers (this is not the title). I am sharing my personal story of my first pregnancy at the age of 15. I was hidden, not educated or consoled. I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions or even what was going on with my body.

As I was finishing the first draft, I was trying to find resources for the ‘birth mom’ reader that would support her in the process of healing. My story goes far beyond this…but long story short, the Lord walked me through some healing that no one knew I had to walk through. I felt confused and alone – I want to help those birth mothers out there find healing, support and maybe even a map to the process the emotions instead of stuffing (knowing of course it is ultimately the Lord God that walking along side of them).

Anyhow after several attempts to find something I came across a book by: Lindsay Arielle, How a Birth Mom Healed; a Dairy.  I then Googled her name and found that she writes a blog article for an adoption agency. I ended up emailing her to see if she was a part of, or knew of, a ministry for birth moms.  I shared that I would defiantly want to be a part of the ministry.

After I sent the email, I of course journaled about it because I was pretty excited! However, I was more excited once I hand wrote her name in my journal because as I did, I realize that was the very name I had a dream about three months prior.

It’s been my heart to minister to women, especially birth moms. I am in my early fifties and I know that there is a lot of women (like myself) that have stuffed their past deep inside that it has become a faint memory, a bad dream.  Pushing those memories, thoughts, and emotions down each time they worked their way to the surface.

When I became a Christian I was striving to be that ‘new creation’ I was told I would be, by cutting my past out. I have since realized that that isn’t want Father God wants. HE wants to heal our past. The ‘new creation’ is HIM and me – us – we. Holy Spirit working through me.

To my surprise the author contact me and told me that she has been praying for someone to come alongside of her to help create a curriculum (if you will) for women to walk through to find Healing. To have someone to talk with, to bounce ideas, ultimately to help carry out her vision, our vision.

I’ll never forget those feeling that I had the moment I realized that this is a gift to me. I was completely surprised, amazed, and thrilled! I’ve never experienced that before in my life. The moment that I realized that this person’s name is the same name that I had dreamed about, and the possibility of being a part of something bigger than me.  That I can pursue my heart’s desire… healing for birth moms, healing for all women and men. I’m just amazed how much Papa God truly wants to give us gifts (our hearts desires). He has so many surprises that HE has in store for us.

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Think of it this way; We as parents love to surprise our children with the things that they deeply desire. And when we able to give these gifts, we get so much pleasure watching them ‘open’ these gifts. I could almost feel the Father God’s delight as I realized the gift that HE has given me. HE is such a loving Father, and I am thankful every day for all the blessings HE bestows on me and my family.

 

I hope this entry finds all of you well. My husband and I have been in our new place here in Tennessee for 10 days now and I think at least our dogs are beginning to find a ‘rhythm.’ Though, for myself I feel a little clumsy as I maneuver through my day. I know the purposes that God has for me; however there is this inner struggle that keeps me anxious. As I went for a short run this morning I shared my questions with our Papa.

Side note: Running here is so much different than in Michigan. I am now training with the double “H’s” Hills and Heat!

These are the questions that seem to run through my head; what are you doing? Are you using your time wisely? What ‘things’ are you supposed to be doing? How much time does it take before you get back in the saddle (so to speak) and get a job? Who says you need a job? What is the definition of a ‘job?’ You say that if you had time to (fill in with your own answer) you would, well… you have time. These questions create confusion and anxiety within my soul. Feeling pressure that I am expected to ‘do’ something, I heard this question; who told you you’re supposed to ‘do’ something. That instantly reminded me a question that God asked Adam found in Genesis 3:11 “…Who told you that you were naked?”

Ahha! Now I know the source behind my anxiety. Why is it that when looking back it can be so obvious who the author of this turmoil was, but as I was having my ‘break down’ (so to speak) it was hard to see that it was a con designed by the con artist of all times, to create confusion and anxiety in my soul. Confusion is not one of God’s attributes (1 Corinthians 14:33) and HE defiantly does not want us to live with anxiety.

It is crazy that the first thing people ask when meeting a new person is; what do you do? Where do you work? I of course tell them that I work from home (my Nerium business). I then get this “oh I see” response. In my own assumption I believe they (those people who ask) would describe me as, not having a ‘job’ or a ‘title.’ But, I do have a ‘job’ (Matthew 28:19) and I do have a title; I am a child of God, a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9).

I have been freed so to speak. I am not on anyone else’s time schedule. My days were filled with being here at this time and being there at that. I needed to do ‘this’ for that person and ‘that’ for the other. I had to make sure I got ‘things’ done. BUT not anymore, and to tell you the truth it is a bit unnerving.

God showed me a vision months ago of me pushing a grocery cart “buggy” (as they say in Tennessee). It was filled so full that it was hard to push. Then HE told me; “don’t fill your cart up, I will do that for you.” After several months when I visited that vision, I saw myself pushing an empty grocery cart, with Jesus walking with me. I felt ridiculous pushing it down one aisle and up the next, wondering what people thought about me pushing this cart with nothing in it. Then one day I asked; “Papa are you going to put anything in my grocery cart?” So HE did, HE placed one (1) item in it. I had to laugh, because now I feel just as silly (if not more) pushing this huge grocery cart with one small item in it. I am learning to rest in this vision. God knows the call HE has placed on my life. He knows when and how I will walk in it. No explanations, no excuses, I need to just trust and walk in HIS peace, and I will as long as I remember these truths.

I guess I write all of this to first to solidify these things in my own heart, but I also want to encourage you. We need to really know ‘who’ we are, and ‘who’ we belong to. We get so pushed in our lives, but is that God’s design? We are to have an abundant life, but does that mean crazy schedules?

So, just as God has been saying to me, let me say to you. Don’t fill your ‘cart” up with lots of things, allow HIM to fill it, and don’t worry about what other people are saying, listen to God.

Know your title (Child of God) don’t let the ‘world’ define you (label you). We are all created with individual purpose(s) that only can be fulfilled per our individual calling.

Not to say that we achieve our ‘calling’ individually because what I have learned it takes a community of people working together to get things done.

Remember we can only walk in our purposes with God leading us each step of the way. So we must stay connected to HIM that has called us. We must learn to be okay with HIS timing. We need to be okay with asking for help from others, and we need to be okay not explaining ourselves to those who do not understand.

That’s all for now, remember to celebrate the diamonds (positives) in your day, and keep your eyes on HIM (Colossians 3:1)

This morning I felt overwhelmed and tired. I just finished my second week at my new job; the new job that was to free up more time for me to walk out my passions. Yet, I am not any farther along pursuing my dreams than I was before. My schedule does not seem my own and I feel as if I am being pulled in 8 different directions at the same time.

Not only did I have the household chores (thoroughly clean) that have fallen at the wayside over the past 6 months, I have several writing projects started that I want to finish up. But the most important thing that I am most frustrated about is not having my uninterrupted time with my Lord. This is what I miss most about my day.

My devotional time isn’t as simple as reading a few scriptures, or a page from a devotional. No, for me it involves me engaging my heart and mind, I am a deep thinker so I might sit for 10-15 minutes think of what I just read. I ask questions then try to find the answers to those questions, which might require me to ‘be still’ and wait on God. Then again, it could be me listening to an online teaching which leads me to searching scripture, or inspire me to write, or pray, or just rest in HIM and all of that takes time.

I know I have the same amount of time in the day as everyone else, so maybe I need to budget my time a little better than I have. I know that I sometimes get overwhelmed of ‘where to start’ and and then make excuses of why I cannot get my things done. Yet, to be honest, there is the fear factor; fear of failure in all that I try to do, or want to do. Maybe this is what it all boils down to, my fear. I know that my striving is not God’s design for me, and that I should be resting in Him. Remembering (Philippians 1:6) that God will finish what HE has started in me, but I have accountability too, right? Maybe, just maybe, this is the stopper for me, my fear. I want freedom in this area of ‘fear of failure’ but I am not wanting to make this a long process.  I decided to applied some tools that I am learning to use from the teachings I have been receiving at church. And to my surprise it was quick; let me briefly explain.

I imagine myself curl up in my papa’s lap (heavenly Father) where I am allowed to cry. I didn’t have to have a reason to cry with HIM. Without having to explain the reason I was crying, the tears came flowing down my face. I then sensed all of heaven tending to me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Again learning about how to use certain tools to find the ‘root’ of my fear I asked myself some questions. All of the sudden I saw myself as a young girl being told that I cannot do anything right, and being compared to others in our family we (my siblings and I) were considered failures. Even though I know that it is not true in my adult reasoning, the child inside of me still felt the pain in that. I spoke (audibly) that I forgive those individuals that were in that memory for telling me that I do things wrong, that I wouldn’t amount to much, and that I was a failure.

I then asked the Lord to forgive me for believing that lie and renounce that belief. I then imagine what that lie was to me, what did it look like, the lie was a burden on me, a heavy weight, like chains. Heavy chains I struggled to carry as I tried to do new things, or the things I desired to do. So I asked my papa in Heaven to exchange the heavy chains for something that HE wanted to give me. And as I imagine myself holding those chains in my hand, offering them up for the exchange I saw Lord God take them, and then He gave me a delicate fluffy fine feather. The feather represents lightweight, freedom and flow to me. A feather moves with the wind and flows delicately without effort. I felt freedom in that moment seeing this in my mind’s eye. I know that God does all things excellent, and as I trust Him and lean on Him for guidance I believe HE will anoint my efforts and I do not need to be fearful of failure.

Now I am released from that lie (Praise God) I am able to move forward.

I have been pushing myself (yet again) to meet the expectations of those around me. Or maybe it’s me pushing myself by the expectations ‘I think’ those around me have (probably a little of both). I hate that I am feeling like I am not measuring up, not making the grade, or however you want to say it.

Last night as I was trying to finish what I was working on and I felt a tap on the shoulder and a whisper in my ear; “Georgia you know who you are, you need to stop doing this to yourself. You need to stop operating in fear of failure. You are mine and I have called you for great things. Remember those things I’ve placed in your heart, they are specific for you. I love you. Now breathe in me, my peace and now who you are.”

I share this because I know there are many people that push themselves to the point of misery. You might even find yourself holding your breath as you a pushing to ‘measure up.’  I want to encourage you to stop, quiet yourself (your thoughts) and allow God to speak to your heart. Take in some deep breathes and imagine you’re breathing in the peace of heaven.

I am so thankful that my Lord is not a silent God and He speaks to me.