Jumping over board

Fewer hours doesn’t necessarily mean less stress. I applied for an open position at work that is 32 hours a work week – with the possibility it would grow to 40 hours.  My hope would be that on that “one” day off it would free up more time to pursue my heart felt endeavors.

I had asked my supervisor – and the supervisor at the other office – if I could have the opportunity to spend a day observing all the responsibility that went with the job I was applying for – which I was granted.

First off, it is the most beautiful office that I have ever seen.  I was told that in the spring the flowers and blooming trees are breath taking, which I can almost imagine.  The office is tucked away in the middle of a field and when you look out the windows it as if the whole world has slowed down.  The staff at that office is the sweetest people; it is truly like a little family. But oh my goodness! For being a little office a lot of things go on at the same time. At the Elkhart office we have a lot going on but there are several teams working together to get the job done.  There at the East Office, the small staff is trained to play a lot of different positions.

As I left the office at the end of the day my mind was spinning- so many things to learn. “Can I do it; do I even want to try to do it?”  At the Elkhart office I have gotten comfortable, it is repetitious at times.  Yes my stress levels can shoot sky high dealing with all the emotions of those patients that cross my path – but it is a stress I know, the other office it would be a stress that I am not familiar with.  I was mentally exhausted when I drove out of the parking lot.

If I would take this new position my lunch hours would be consumed with what I needed to get done that it wouldn’t be a break at all.  To tell the truth, with my type of personality I would probably punch out for lunch but work through to get things caught up.  It would be like a never ending story, and I don’t believe “everything” could ever be caught up.  There is too much to do.

I know that on my “one” day off, it would take me too long to clear my head to focus on writing.  I know myself; I would analysis everything that I did the week before and think about every thing that I would need to do the week ahead.

As I wrestled with all these thoughts on my way to a worship meeting that I had to be at -I got to the point that I couldn’t breathe.  Bottom line, I kept asking myself would I be able to write.  Would I be able to hear God to write?  Or would my mind be so full of the things at work.

To tell you the truth I felt defeated in some way, thinking about the job at the East Office, my spirit was already heavy.  I even started to believe that maybe this “purpose” that God has for me is all in my head – maybe I should take the position, it would certainly “beef” up my work resume, gaining a lot of “work” experience in many different areas.  As my thoughts turned to what I would gain in the “work force” my dream starting to slip away from me and I felt defeated.

Then God gave me my answer – one of the ladies at the worship team meeting asked me something that I have secretly waited for and thought of often.  She asked me if I would be willing to speak at a small woman’s retreat in October! Oh my goodness! I couldn’t believe what I just had been asked! All these wonderful thoughts came to mind. I started to ask the Lord want HE wanted me to share and got so excited! I thought that this day would never come.  My heart started to lift, and the heaviness that was on me was lifting off as well. I couldn’t help but praise God in my spirit.

I saw myself … walking down the ships plank, taking one last deep breath- then holding it, getting ready to abandon ship. Then all at once I felt God himself, grabbed me the very moment that I was about to jump, and say to me; “ no my child you are on the right course, this ship is not lost at sea, you will soon see land.”

I know my answer!  I can see clearly now!  No, this new position would not be the right direction for me.  I really have to think about myself here and not what is expected of me; if I truly believe that God is calling me to something – then why would I pour myself into something that isn’t moving me in that direction.

God is so indescribably good to me!! Thank you LORD for grabbing me before I jumped!!

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