This week my son was very upset about a grade that he received and he was going on and on how “stupid” he was for making such mistakes on his test. It got to the point that I was getting very aggravated with him. As much as I tried to encourage him, he had the mind set to keep speaking negative things about himself. I told him, “What you believe about yourself will determine whether or not you walk out your God given purposes or not.”
What great wisdom I shared with him, “it must have been from God himself.” And usually I am pretty positive with the things I think about myself, until yesterday morning – that is when my wise words went out the door.
I had asked a close friend of mine, Vicki, to meet me at Kohl’s Saturday morning so that I could find something nice to wear when I share my testimony on the 12th. I wish I could still say shopping for clothes for myself is one of my favorite things to do but it is the most hated! When I was in my 20’s it was exciting! I could grab anything off the rack and I would look fabulous in it. It was so much fun; I would not be afraid to look in the mirror and see how well the clothes fit me.
Vicki, she puts herself together so nicely. She uses layers, scarf’s, necklaces, all kinds of things (that I wouldn’t think of) to put the finishing touch on her outfit. With the assurance that she would steer me in the right direction I was excited.
Wouldn’t you know it I got up Saturday morning with this huge headache. Oh I can’t have this now, I thought. My eyes were swollen and I had dark rings under my eyes. Now really how am I supposed to have a good attitude about myself when I look like this?!
Before we met I told Vicki not to let me leave without buying something that I don’t have anything in my closet that will work for the 12th. That is what I normally do; I will talk myself out of buying a new outfit, thinking I got to have something in my closet to wear. When I see all the wonderful, colorful clothes hanging on the racks I envision the 20 year old Georgia wearing it. I grab the size I need (want to wear) and go to the dressing rooms – only to be so disappointed when I see the 40 (+) image in the mirror struggling to get the darn thing zipped!
The first place that Vicki wants to go to find my outfit is the “JUNIORS.” Oh my goodness, I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to be defeated on my very first pair of jeans that I try on!
“I am not sure about this Vicki,” I told her as she led me to the juniors.
“It will be okay Miss Georgia,” she assured me.
After finding a few pairs of jeans I went to the dressing room, my eyes avoided the mirror as I tried them on. Oh! I guess I can get them on and zipped but… they are a little low cut. Heck if I was to bend over and pick something up my back side would be showing. No, not comfortable in these.
I kept telling myself it wasn’t because my backside was huge, it was because most of the people that manufacture these jeans have a smaller frame than us westerners – I hope that isn’t politically incorrect to say.
“Keep breathing Georgia, it is okay, you can do this. You got to be positive, don’t show your insecurity. How many times have you taught the ladies in your Bible study that you need to know who you belong to? Remember that you belong to God of all creation, and HE created you. Chin up! Don’t compare yourself with anyone. You can do this.” I kept telling myself over and over in my head.
But! After about an hour into this search to find something that looks good on me and that I am comfortable wearing my thoughts got negative. I know that Vicki could see the defeat on my face. As much as she tried to encourage me I had the mindset to put myself down. Sound familiar?
Three hours later I was at the check out line at Kohl’s. I did end up putting the jeans up but got a couple of sweaters, a necklace, and a pair of earrings. Of course Vicki suggested bigger pieces of jewelry but I told her “baby steps Miss Vicki, baby steps.”
As I struggled the rest of the day – my self talk and attitude got worse. I started to doubt all kinds of things, especially the things that I am trying to walk out in, those purposes that God has created me for. “I got to be an example to my family and friends to trust God. I believe that God created me to bring glory to HIM, so what is the problem? How can I bring Glory to God with this defeated, negative attitude? Snap out of it Georgia,” I told myself.
The rest of the day was a constant battle to “think” positively about myself. Then I read one paragraph that was penned by Joyce Meyers, and it was exactly what I needed to read. I am only quoting a few lines from her book, The Confident Woman.
Proverbs 31:26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
“Not only do we have the capability of speaking life or death to other people; we have the same ability in our own lives. We can speak words that build confidence in ourselves and others or we can speak words that destroy confidence.”
I felt like God was saying to me, “Georgia, come on now, your stepping into new ground, you know that I am with you. You are my child and I love you. Don’t let the enemy pull you back to the pit of darkness with that negative self talk. Remember all the things that I, your God, have helped you through.” Then I had a vision that He has given me before. It is of me when I was a small girl, long dark hair, going down a path, hand and hand with the Creator of all, with no fears I skipped along with HIM.
I have said this many times before, look for the diamonds in your day. Hold onto the positive things. Know who you belong to. You have been created to do good things with God has prepared in advance for you to do. And remember “What you believe about yourself will determine if you walk out those purposes or not.” And even though I say these things over and over, I still can get caught up in the snare of negative self talk. Only with Gods help am I able to step out of this mental pit of darkness.
So I am speaking this to myself as much as I speak it to you. Guard your self talk, those things you say about yourself! Make sure that they line up with what God says about you. This is a matter of a God purposed filled life or death.