For the next several posts, I will write about the things I ponder as I read a book called Culture of Honor by Danny Silk. Though I write about what I have gleaned, it does not necessarily mean I have adapted concepts fully into my life, but it is my goal. 

In the first chapter, I noticed the freedom of judgment with the confrontational senior described, which allowed the individual called to the “principal office” to think about the words he would say. Asking the right questions in the right tone is one of the keys to creating a safe place to talk.

Because of the redeeming blood of Jesus, we are called righteous. That isn’t because we have done things right; it is only because of Jesus.

When we get that into our mindset, we can converse more easily, knowing that we are loved, valued, and accepted no matter who is talking with us.

Honestly, how often do we talk to one another and think about the “right” thing to say to be valued or accepted?

Or, what about those moments of silence that make the conversation uncomfortable? I have often spoken for the person in those silent moments rather than giving them the respect to find the words to respond. When I did this, it interrupted the other person’s thought process. That kind of behavior only builds walls. Trust me, I know.

We need time to have conversations, especially those types of ‘talks’ when we need to clear the air. Sadly, most people are so busy that even texting a few lines is rushed.

We need to learn to speak in the right tone, and what about facial expressions? Oh, my goodness, I am horrible about that. I am going to be 59 years old, and just now thinking about my facial expressions and tone.

But even these things in my mind will make my conversation unnatural.

I asked the Lord what I needed to do to create a safe place for conversations. This is what I had gotten.

• Stop being afraid to talk. Hebrews 13:6 (ESV) The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?  
• Ask questions to understand. James 4:1-3 (ESV) What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 
• Quit asking with your assumed answer in your head. Proverbs 18:2 (ESV) A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.  
• Even if you disagree you can have respect; everyone will be accountable to me (GOD) they are not accountable to you.

This last one reminds me of an attitude I had with another person. I was not showing respect because I was judging their behavior. At that moment, I asked the Lord, how can you keep up with this kind of outburst? The Lord said: Georgia, you are looking at this one moment in this person’s journey, and I can see the full journey and I am in it.

Wow, if God was in the moment, I must be standing outside the scenario with the accuser. After that, I didn’t have much to say except to ask for forgiveness for partnering with the accuser.

I understand that talking in our society is challenging anymore. But then again, isn’t that the plan of the enemy? To kill, steal, and destroy (Jn 10:10) everything, especially relationships.

My objective is to remember the things I read and wrote when in conversations, creating a safe place with the goal of understanding.