I have been silent about what happened on July 13^th in Pennsylvania. But today, I feel I need to share.

Like probably most people, I experienced fear. Fear that the man who could bring this nation back on its feet again was in the crosshairs of a disturbed individual. That in itself also made me question the stability of our society.

I was angry as well. Angry that because of this attack, some of us might begin to allow fear to manipulate our decisions in gathering, keeping us from community with one another.

Typically, I push aside these feelings like this (fear and anger) and say I’m fine. But as I learned last year, suppressing feelings still affects our thoughts and physical bodies.  

It is like when we quickly clean up the kitchen counter and shove things in the junk drawer. Out of sight, out of mind. But once the drawer is too full of junk, it can’t function as designed (open or shut). Only when we cannot use the drawer do we decide to go through everything inside, only to realize most things could have been tossed away in the first place.

Processing emotions has been a new thing for me to learn to do. As I said, I typically don’t acknowledge negative emotions, such as fear and anger. Like the junk on the kitchen counter, it might be out of sight, but it is building up inside, and soon, I won’t be able to function as designed.

So, how does one process something that most of their life they have denied experiencing?

I won’t go into all the steps, though I will say I had to get honest with myself and honestly answer “why” I was feeling the things I was.  

Yes, anyone looking to move past what they have always done takes conscious purpose.

Talking with everyone and anyone about the tragedy does not help us identify how it affects us personally. We must speak with the Lord and ask HIM to show us what we might unconsciously believe, which usually limits us.

As I walked through this conversation with the Lord, He showed me that my prayers are not as powerful as they could be by allowing fear and anger to go unchecked.

I was then reminded of when my husband had to go to the emergency room back in 2020. I was stopped in the foyer of the hospital and was not allowed to go in with him.

The enemy pulled on my emotional strings like a puppeteer manipulating a puppet. I could not think sensibly, and the truths (God’s Word) I knew were tossed aside, and my thoughts went to the worst-case scenarios. I couldn’t pray for him because of the awful things I was imagining.  

In this case, it was no different. I can’t pray effectively or even hear the Lord on how to pray when I am playing out worst-case scenarios. Or, dare I say when I am ‘judging’ people or the situation with my limited knowledge.  

I suppose I type this all out to say let’s stop being a parrot repeating the tragic event. And quiet ourselves to ask God how this affects us. What do we believe about our future? Is what we think contrary to the Bible? And lastly, How am I to pray to the Lord? And pray from a place of FAITH that God hears our prayers.