This morning, during my reflection on the goodness of God, I was overwhelmed by the joy and gratitude that filled my heart. Last night, I had the privilege of connecting with a group of amazing ladies. We dressed up, had our makeup and hair done, and simply had a wonderful time! We felt beautiful, accomplished, and were able to celebrate each other’s unique successes.
But little did we know, God had more in store for us than just a magazine photo shoot. His plans always exceed our expectations. Truly, God is good.
I was asked what my book, titled “When I Stopped Running, She Found Me: A Birth Mom’s Story,” was about. The title reflects the moment I stopped running from my past and how God found helped the younger me have a voice, which opened a conversation that could only be orchestrated by God.
Pondering the events of last night, I found myself speaking aloud, “Thank you, Lord. I don’t even know who prayed for me when I struggled (unknowingly) with my hidden past.”
Living in denial, I was merely a shadow of a person, unaware of my dysfunction. But someone was praying for me. I didn’t even know that I was dysfunctional, not to say that I don’t have more layers of my past that need healing. But through prayer and God’s grace, I am now walking more functionally, with a deeper understanding of my past and a stronger sense of self than I ever have in my whole life.
I understand the emotional rollercoaster of suddenly having the past that you’ve tried to deny instantly appear within the tapestry of our lives. All the unconscious battles to silence the younger person buried somewhere in their soul, trying to voice their pain. These battles were fought against her fears, her trauma, telling her that the adult woman we have become doesn’t have the time to listen to her whining, and just to grow up.
I can now be that person praying for another. I know that God hears my prayers; that isn’t being prideful, but knowing that my righteousness is in Jesus, not of my own, so that I can be confident.
Jeremiah 29:12; Pslam 145:18; John 14:13-14
Even though every aspect of my past hasn’t woven perfectly into my day-to-day life, I am grateful for the relationships that I do have, even if they’re from afar.
This morning, my heart sings! Here are a few lines from the worship song: Egypt from Bethel, look it up.
Bridge:
You stepped into my Egypt
You took me by the hand
You marched me out in freedom
Into the promised land
Now I will not forget YOU
I’ll Sing of all You’ve done
Death is swallowed up forever
By the fury of Your love.
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