Most of you, my readers, know that I have been on a journey of healing for the past few months. My healing hasn’t been just physical healing but inner healing as well. Though there are many things I could share with you, and I will in my next book, today I wanted to share what the Lord revealed to me.
Again, I desire to be open and honest with my readers. I have often admitted that I don’t have it all together, but the path to freedom the Lord has me on, I hope, would direct you on yours.
This morning, Bob and I started our day at the usual rhythm. However, we began to rush around as his schedule dictated the tempo, and his words became impatient.
Rather than seeing the situation for what it was, he was running behind; I took offense and left the room. I stewed about this particular moment and every impatient word he had spoken as I made the bed.
Thankfully, Holy Spirit is teaching me how to be aware of my body. I am realizing the emotions that I am experiencing affect my body.
Right away, I could feel a slight tightness in my breathing, like it was restricted. I quickly recognized I was shallow breathing as I rashly went about my morning ‘chores.’
In these scenarios mentioned above, I would typically say: “I give it to you, Lord,” not identifying ‘what’ I was giving Him. So, in reality, I am stuffing the conflict deep inside me.
It would have been so easy for me to fall into that pattern again, moving on, but not really.
In the past, I would let that little situation fester inside me. Being curt with my words toward Bob or whomever I was taking offense to for hours, sometimes days. Childish, I know.
However, this morning, as challenging as it was, I quieted myself and asked a simple question: Where does this come from, Lord?
Trust me; many little “squirrel” moments tried to derail my thoughts this morning as I leaned in to listen. But I would speak out loud: No, I will not get sidetracked; I want freedom in this Lord.
Instantly, a memory far from my consciousness became clear in my heart. I saw the younger me, little Georgia, process that particular situation, and I could hear her (my) reasoning for picking up the insubordinate mindset.
I looked up the definitions of words like impatience, defiance, and offense, which helped me see that allowing these behaviors has distorted my perception of submission.
Again, Holy Spirit showed me how this defiant mindset has been woven in many areas of my life. And how it has affected my relationships with those close to me, as well as my relationship with the Trinity.
The inner healing process starts here, where I chose to be still and allow the omniscient (all-knowing) God (El de’ot) to show me how this behavior has been so inner-knitted in my default responses to situations.
And in these revealed areas of my life, I had to see the individuals that knowingly or unknowingly tangled me in these deceptions. And then forgive them. Not find excuses “why” I forgive them, but to simply forgive them.
Jesus died on the cross to forgive us our sins. Period.
Romans 3:23-24 (ESV) for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus…
Once I have forgiven, I turn to look at the Trinity. And I see that I have unknownly had these attitudes toward the Father, King Jesus, and even Holy Spirit. Maybe not as blatantly as I have with those family members I am closest to, but still, this small inferior thinking has caused me to be blinded by how it has hindered me from walking in obedience.
The next step is to renounce those lies that I had partnered with.
This takes a moment for me because not everything is plainly written on the wall, so to speak.
Cutting off the “old Georgia” behavior with my blood-bought scissors, I felt freedom. I then cut the behavior off those individuals I would have genetically passed it on: my children and grandchildren. Exodus 34:7
Lastly, I act as if I am putting all that we processed in a box and giving it to Him. I ask: what do you have for me in exchange, Lord?
In my mind, I saw a piece of tattered fabric standing up, and as it stood, I could see many threads being pulled out, each strain coming out from the fabric’s beginning to the end.
One would think the fabric would have fallen apart, but it didn’t because I instantly saw gold threads being weaved in as the old was being pulled out.
This is a picture of what God has done for me. He took the tattered me, pulled out the ugly threads, and weaved HIS goodness (gold) in me. I went from being a shabby cloth to fine linen.
We all have behaviors we are not so proud of but habitually do. And once we fall into the ‘old way’ of responding to situations, we feel conviction and ask for forgiveness, only to find ourselves in the situation again. Gosh, I know this vicious cycle.
Unfortunately, we don’t get total freedom in these things until we see where the root of the behavior comes from.
But! We find freedom once we see and walk out steps like I mentioned above. It might take a bit to get ourselves out of the rut of behaving like we did in the past, but over time, it will no longer be a part of our DNA.