Today I found HIM! And it feels so good to be back in my Fathers arms, and under His covering. I have gotten lost and traveled roads that were not meant for me to travel, rough and rocky. In the mist of my confusion it was hard to find my way back, with every turn (choice) that I made it lead me further and further away from HIM. I was trying to find that secure place, a place that will fill the void in my life but with each wrong turn I was feeling more and more defenseless. I was more vulnerable to the attacks from the enemy, calling me hypocrite, inadequate, and maybe even unworthy of Gods love and that I could never turn back.
But what was so wonderful about God is that HE is so willing to wait for us to turn back. After spending time to do some soul searching and some crying, crying can really be cleansing for your spirit, don’t ever keep that emotion buried, I was able to truly worship HIM.
There with my heart fully exposed, worshiping my Father, I found Him. It is like the dark clouds cleared and there HE was! Even though I was in a room filled with other people, I closed my eyes and felt HIS presence, it was so comforting, just me and Him… at the cross… and He lavished love on me; I mean I really felt HIS love just wash down on me – His lost one. He understood my hurt, my shame, and my repenting heart and just loved on me. It may have not been a long journey away from Him but I feel like it has taken a hard toll on me – like I’ve been away from home for months.
And what is so unnerving is that the Enemy had the audacity to ask me if I was sure that I wanted to stay there, in my Fathers arms. “Are you sure that you won’t find what your missing? If you just travel down the road a little further you may find that happiness.” What a piece of work!
God knows my hearts desires, and He knows what is best for me. I just need to trust that these things will come in His timing. He is looking down on my life and sees the whole thing; the beginning and the end and all that is in between. I can only see what is in front of me, how can I give in and give up when I have such limited prospective? I need to keep my eyes fixed on Him. I am always saying; “Visualize it! Use your God given imagination and SEE it.”
So that is what I do… I truly see myself pulling His face down- cupped in my very own hands, looking only in His eyes and at times I have to search hard into His eyes to keep the things of the world from flooding in. Sometimes it is hard to do, some times – not so much. But it is something that I must do everyday, maybe even hourly.
Don’t give up on God; He never gives up on us – Thank you Jesus!
It’s like I just told my brother, God knows us better then we know ourselves and He always wants to love on us – sinners that we are. He wants to have a relationship with us.