It was just a few months ago, that I found myself daydreaming of what my summer would hold. It was one of those fidget January days as I looked out my office window at the massive snow pile that lined the parking lot. However from that time till the present I have had to revise my plans. I do find it somewhat humors that I forget my own strength (or lack of) let alone the hours each day holds. Because as I try to carry out my plans I am reminded that my thoughts can achieve things faster than my physical body can.
I figured after our move back into the old farm house it would take me about four weeks (eight at the most) to get it all cleaned and organized. Then once that was completed I would go and find the flower beds that I had planted years ago that have been neglected. Then rest of the summer I imagined that I would be free to make plans to meet friends, visit my children that live not more than a six hour drive away- and just be.
My son is getting married this coming August and I had planned to help in any way that was needed. But it’s not really needed, other than some financial support for the honeymoon.
I say all of this because my plans are just that, they are ideas, not guaranteed to manifest, they are scenarios that if everything lines up favorably it ‘could’ happen.
I plan to run a few 5ks -10ks working toward doing a ½ marathon by the end of the season. I never thought running would be something that I would (or even could) enjoy. Though, I am not fast by any means, I do try. What really draws me to run (it is more of a jog) is the time I get to be alone. Nothing interrupts my thoughts, my prayers, and my time with the Lord. Even though I am at the house often by myself, things interrupt me. Things like ‘this & that’…you know…this needs cleaned, oh yeah, I need to do that.
When I jog out the driveway, I just let my thoughts flow. At first they are all over the place but after about a mile into my ‘run’ I start to focus on that thing that is weighing on my heart.
Here lately my thoughts have been drawn to understanding God’s love. One of my prayers has been to learn to love like Him. However as I find at times it is most difficult to show love to those you love the most. One morning I was crying in my spirit to the Lord asking him to help me find my ‘niche’ so to speak. I told him that I love people and wanted him to send people for me to love. I went on to say that I feel that at times people reject my love or even abuse it. Then I sensed the Lord say to me; I know my love is rejected, I know my love is abused. I still love, can you?
I guess in my prayers I have asked God to give me people easy to love, but I once read; those that are hard to love are the ones that need it the most. So he I guess he has answered that one.
I also plan on working on a couple of writing projects that I have been poking at for a year or so. That is another answered prayer! I had no clue of what direction to go and God had sent me a coach and even (team mates) other authors that give lots of love and support. They are all beautiful people that have a heart for the Lord, I am blessed to call them my friends.
I planned to find myself a part time job, just a little something to be around people. Yet, that plan has been put off as well. Not that there hasn’t been several opportunities, it just I haven’t felt that the Lord has released me from this ‘season’ (so to speak) yet. It is really hard to explain. I will have my cover email all typed out, attachments of my resume and reference letters and before I can hit ‘send’ I get this ‘no’. It would be awesome if I had a reason ‘why’ I cannot apply, or a date that I will be released from this journey in the ‘wilderness’, but I don’t have any answers.
As I wait, I try to position myself properly with humility that the Lord knows what is best. Arms lifted praising God for all he has blessed me beyond words (even in this uncertain place). Palms up, waiting for those things he wants to give me. I also need to make sure my voice is speaking words of life in my situation. Keeping my eyes focused on the heavens. And last, which should be listed first, seek understanding of God’s love and who I am in Christ.
So as of today these are my plans for my summer 2014. Not too eventful other than my son’s wedding. Yet, even though I don’t have much ‘planned’ I am excited to see what God is going to do, something is getting ready to be birthed! Answers are coming!