Self-Care Is Essential, Not Selfish

For years, I thought helping others meant ignoring my needs. Saying “no” or resting felt selfish. I pushed myself, often quoting “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13) to justify saying yes to everything.

However, over time, my perspective began to shift. I started to realize that small moments of connection and growth matter more than saying I did this and that for the Lord.

As a result, when I slow down and say no, I hear God more clearly. Reflecting on my past, I see that what I once called “steps of faith” were often me rushing ahead. Recently, I sensed the Lord say, “I’m not asking you to exhaust yourself. I love you and want to care for you, too.”

Jesus modeled this rhythm: “Come to Me… and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). Rest is not weakness—it is trust.

One of the first things I had to do was learn to identify my emotions. In the past, I believed that if I felt anything contrary to the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22–23), I had to suppress it. When I experience any sort of negative to me, I’d quickly say, “I’m fine, Lord. I give it to You.”

But being the animated person that I am, my words would say one thing; my facial expression and body language would say the total opposite. The only one who was fooled was me. Proverbs reminds us to guard our hearts, as everything flows from them (Prov. 4:23). Well, my heart was being tormented, and I didn’t realize it.

Doing this for decades has left me in many uncomfortable situations with the people I love. I couldn’t navigate the reality of what was happening in the moment, so I detached. I unplugged. I was in the room physically, but mentally and emotionally, I wasn’t. In fact, I was in torment, listening to the dialogue of the accuser, allowing him to manipulate me in the ocean of emotions that I refused to identify.

At the time, I thought I had healed from my past traumatic experiences and that inner healing was a one-time event. However, I didn’t realize I held wrong beliefs in different parts of my life. We’re like onions with layers, and our deepest pains aren’t always visible. I believe Lord Holy Spirit reveals what we can handle in each moment—it truly is a continuous journey of inner healing.

A significant turning point came after my mother passed away in 2023. While reading a book, I asked the Lord a question: Why do I feel so alone, even in a room full of people, especially family or friends?

Moments later, I turned the page and read the reason. For the first time since my mom passed, I began to sob. The text read: …people think they are aware of the present, when in reality they are just analyzing the situation from a position of self-protection. This causes them to live an “observational lifestyle…” (Leight, 2017)

Living an observational lifestyle is what I have done for years. I have unplugged myself from the conversations due to the negative emotions that I felt, unwilling to identify that I was angry or sad, etc. I won’t go into the massive amount of dialogue that constantly went on in my head, but know: they didn’t lead me to the gracious love of God; they led me down a road of shame, low self-esteem, and torment. And because I wasn’t able to identify these emotions, I became a puppet to the master manipulator, satan.

After this realization, God revealed something simple but profound. He said, “You cannot give Me anything if you can’t name it. You think you are, but actually, you are suppressing those feelings. Now your body is under so much pressure; your cells can’t even move freely or release the sounds they were designed to. They are dis-eased, and I cannot pour into you what I want until you release all that you’ve suppressed.”

I had to get honest with myself, which opens the door to be honest with God.

As I approach the third year since my diagnosis, I wish I could say I walked this journey with unwavering assurance in my healing and God’s care. In reality, while I’ve often said the right things, many of my beliefs have become clouded along the way.

During this time, the Lord highlighted 3 John 2 to me. Only recently have I begun to grasp the full message He intended, instead of just seizing a word or two and running ahead.

I heard Him say, “I love that you hear the word and want to act right away, but the ‘word’ only carries you so far, and then you become confused. Wait for the ‘message,’ Georgia, wait for it. Though it tarries, wait; the message will take you farther than you can imagine.”

I’ll close here, but I want to leave you with some simple steps to begin your own self-care journey to inner healing.      

The first step in your self-care is to inventory what you are feeling.

1. Pause and Ask. “What am I really feeling?” (Ps. 139:23–24).
2. Identify the belief. My negative emotions often reveal beliefs that clash with the truth of God’s word. (2 Corinthians 10:4-6)
3. Ask Lord Holy Spirit for the truth. Invite His perspective over our own, which is usually shaped by past experience. (John 16:13)

3 John 2 NKJV

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.