Bear one another’s burdens.

How does one help another through difficult hardships without finding themselves in the so-called “valley” themselves?

In the past, I have often taken the responsibility to be other people’s Rock even when that isn’t what the person expects of me.

Of course, there’s no way that I have that capability to be. God is the Rock.

There is none holy as the Lord, for there is none besides You,

and there is no Rock like our God.

1 Samuel 2:2 MEV

I suppose this started when I was a child taking care of my brothers and trying to diffuse the heightened anger that my dad would often display. I would be the one to stand in the middle or to yell ‘stop’ when the situation became explosive, which manifested in physical abuse. I had to respond and couldn’t allow myself to ‘feel’ anything. I unplugged.

As a young adult, I would be so consumed with helping others that their situation became mine, especially when it came to my brothers. I couldn’t separate myself from what was going on with their lives from what was going on with mine. I did not see what this kind of dysfunction was doing to me physically.

Last year, I found myself in a valley when I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. I found comfort in the Word of God, my Rock, and anchored myself there. And it was my family and ‘tribe’ that was/is a support for me as I walked through.

Were they ‘all’ there as I went through the testing? No, I had my husband and sister-in-law with me.

Were they ‘all’ with me when I received treatment? No, but my husband was.

Were they there when I couldn’t eat or drink? No.     

Were they with me when I could barely get myself out of bed? No.

HOWEVER! Their prayers of faith were felt and carried me when I was too exhausted to make that mental connection to God’s word. Those prayers were priceless to me because I felt them. I didn’t expect anyone to take my place – to walk in my ‘valley.’   

So, how do we ‘bear’ one another’s burdens? Help those who are walking through a valley.

I speak for myself. First, I have to identify my own emotions, which is new for me. You will read about this in my book, which will be published in the fall of 2025. I also need to distinguish my feelings from my assumptions about how the other person feels. I cannot assume I know what they are feeling! I sympathize with them and let that person tell me how they are emotionally.

I cannot criticize how they process things, but trust that the LORD is helping them.

I must listen to hear, not listen to have an answer. Sometimes, we say things meant to comfort but only cause confusion about God’s love. I have done this often when I felt the need to ‘say’ something but only added salt to the wound.   

Then, I ask the Lord what HE wants me to do to help this individual. I cannot assume my will is His or even what the other person asks of me.

“Being there” can be displayed differently. Take it from me: don’t pack your suitcase and fly across several states to be in their space only to find that they need to process things alone.

Above all, pray that God will comfort and strengthen the individual. These prayers of faith are priceless when the individual is mentally or emotionally overwhelmed.     

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