I want to be open and honest with my readers, and I don’t have it all together. And I sincerely hope I don’t convey in my writings as I do.  Most of the time, my blog writings are just me processing, with Papa God, something in my life.

Today I am writing about pride and jealousy that I have allowed to simmer in the corner of my heart.

I’ve mentioned before; my busyness prevents me from processing. Like when I am quickly cleaning the kitchen and throwing useless items in the junk drawer to give the appearance of countertops being clean. Once that junk drawer is crammed with so much stuff, it is no longer functional; I go through it only to find that most of the items could have been thrown away.

Today, I looked around my office, which desperately needs to be organized, and I told myself, STOP making yourself busy.

So, I stopped. I honestly looked. I asked Father God, what is this darkness that is trying to hide? I listened. I repented. I asked HIM to fill that area with the truth.

I have a distorted perspective and don’t know when or where it began. What might this viewpoint be? I believe that I possess wisdom that would help others walk through spiritual battles they are going through. Wow, how arrogant of me. 

Yes, I have gained experience when I have gone through battles of my own. And though my battles may not be the same scenarios as others, I have gained tools of understanding that can help assist others. However, it is truly a training that Father God, Lord Jesus, and Holy Spirit lead a person through.

I often pray for individuals to encounter the Trinity because that is where true transformation occurs. I see this always; people with personal experience have powerful testimonies encouraging another to step out in faith. We each possess these experiences and what we go through. And each piece of knowledge gained is as unique as our fingerprint. 

So why? Why would pride and jealousy creep into my thinking? It boils down to what I believe my value is worth. Can I prove to others that I am worth having in their lives? Honestly, this has been a battle I have been dealing with since I was a young girl.  

What others think about me doesn’t matter – my value is worth Jesus dying for. So why do I get entangled with the chains of self-worth?  Because I have an enemy that wants to steal it.

I think of my mother, who recently passed away. I am not sure if she understood how much she was loved. That we, her children, wanted her to be around us.

And somehow, my beliefs got distorted; if I had a good relationship with my mom, my children would want a relationship with me. And now that I can no longer build that relationship with my mother, I somehow believe the doors have been shut on me with my children.   

I have no ‘titles,’ so to speak, nor do I possess significant amounts of money; I am just me: Georgia. And it surprises me that I am turning 58 years old and still looking for value.

So, you see, my pride in thinking I possess wisdom that others would want and envy that someone would gain expertise without my help all boils down to what I believe I am worth.

My competition leads to division. Self-imposed, maybe. The enemy of our soul does not care how it happens, but his goal is to divide families, communities, cities, states, nations, and on and on. 

As I have processed this, I see a candle in my mind’s eye.

One little candle burning, and if I take my candle to try to light another one far away, my flame grows dim, and maybe it even goes out. 

Think about this – when you have a candle in your hand and move to another room to light another candle, a person has to protect the flame so that it will not go out.

But if the candle lights the room it is in, not worrying about lighting the other candle, it serves its purpose. Lighting the area, it is in.

I hope you can follow the analogy that was given to me by Papa God. Lighting up the address where I reside provides light to the person next to me to find their candle. God does the lighting and the victories they gain by allowing the Trinity to equip them.

I am not by no means saying that a person needs only to worry about themselves. We reach out and help those who are hurting. We are to accept those who are rejected. We must always keep our LOVE (God) glasses on and see from HIS perspective.

Unity – that is what it is about. We understand our value from HIS perspective. We are valued and loved, and when we come together, we can light up our communities, locking arms with one another to be what God has designed us to be – HIS FAMILY.  

I end this blog piece by lighting my little area – whether it be my website, those who read it, my neighborhood, and places I go; I am letting my one glowing light shine – and it is enough; I have value.  

You are probably aware during a basketball game; the crowd tries to distract the player when at the free throw line with loud hollering. Or when a baseball player is up to bat, the crowd in the stands will chant, hey batter, hey, batter, swing to distract the batter from using their best judgment of when to contact the ball. 

These tactics keep players from scoring. However, most players know of this ploy to keep them from being successful and have prepared themselves for such distractions.

Distraction is a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.

We have many distractions going on in our lives. Some can be avoided by simply turning off our cell phone alerts. My phone will ding with every text message, youtube video I subscribe to, and email I receive. Amazingly, I do get some things done with all these interruptions. 

Though, there are some distractions that we cannot simply turn off. 

It has been this way for me since the beginning of the year. 

Have you ever noticed that when we set out to do something specific, the distractions of life can become our mental focus?

One would need to pay attention, or these distractions can divert us from our intended course.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (or distract from their purpose). 1 Peter 5:8

The principalities of darkness know and have to bow to the name of Jesus. And when a person knows their identity in the resurrected Messiah and uses their given authority, through the blood, to cut off the demonic, the distractions may seem more frequent—doing everything in his power to get your eyes off the Throne of God. 

I once had a pastor tell me; Georgia, the enemy, cannot keep you from eternal life once you acknowledge and accept the gospel of Jesus. But he can make your life like a pinball bouncing from bumpers and ramps if you look at him. 

He is nothing but a dancing distraction in front of you. Be wise; know that he is trying to manipulate you, however, do not take your eyes off Jesus.  

Colossians 3:1-2 MSG

So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things in front of you. Look up and be alert to what is happening around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

So how do we do this? 

Here are a few practices and scriptures I walk through when I feel I am losing sight.

First, if I have to be honest with myself and ask, am I rehearsing an offense in my heart? If I am, I must repent and give that offense to God. Rarely does picking a scab off a wound bring healing. It only makes it bleed again. 

Hebrews 12:15 TPT

Watch over each other to make sure that no one misses the revelation of God’s grace. And make sure no one lives with a root of bitterness sprouting within them which will only cause trouble and poison the hearts of many.

Second, I need to ask: Does what I believe now go against what I know to be God’s accurate word?

2 Corinthians 10:5 AMP

We are destroying sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ,

Third, I ask myself, am I trying to control the situation or person? Controlling is, for sure, a place where we should avoid finding ourselves.

Manipulation and control are from Satan, and we do not partner with that spirit. But if I find myself trying to control something or someone that isn’t my place to do, it costs me lots of frustration and energy. Ultimately it derails me from my purpose.  

Dancing distractions: Bitterness, lies of what the truth is, trying to control, and losing sight of the purpose. 

I won’t go into all the details of my life these past few weeks; I will only say there have been many dancing distractions attempting to get my eyes off the Throne and the purposes God has set me out to do. 

I chose to stop this pinball craziness. Rejoicing in the Lord, I will sing to Him whose name is above all names. And I solidified in my heart that I (nor my family) have not been abandoned.  

Only a few mentally plan to be in this spot my brothers and I find ourselves. However, we each knew that would come a day when we would have to lay to rest our beloved mom.

You might have memories of my mom, Margo. Family or friends, everyone agrees she was kind to everyone she met, and her smile would light up everyone she gave it to.

One memory I have is when I decided to lay out in the sun after hanging clothes out on the clothesline. To my surprise, mom asked if she could lay with me. This may not seem so unusual to most, but my mom was always doing something; in the household of eight, there was always something to do. So for her to stop doing to ‘be with me’ for a moment hardly ever happened.

Of course, I laughed when she just down on my blanket and folded up her ¾ sleeves as high as they would go and her pants up to her knees. And though we didn’t talk about anything that I can remember. I just felt close to her at that moment.

I had made a post shortly after mom passed about not looking at the would of, could of, should of- of the past, or looking at the future with regret – because that would take me to a place of sadness and, truthfully, bitterness. That is what I thought I needed to do to get through this season.

But the Thursday morning of her viewing, I had awoken with a name in my thoughts. This person isn’t someone I usually “follow” I heard of his worship songs, but I looked his name up because of my history of how the Lord shows me things.

I wanted to know if this person had a teaching or message. I got online and searched for the most recent post. I found it, and the message’s title is The walk of Grief.

I want to share a few things that have stirred my heart while I listened.

Emotions are complex – so grieving is complex. For me to deny my feelings, I am denying the Trinity to bring healing – I am restricting myself from growing.

Grief is work, but we don’t do it alone; we do it with our community, our circle. Family or friends, we need a safe place to talk. We have permission to be authentic.

We need to rest. Rest isn’t the absence of activity; it is the absence of control. Will we take refuge in the Lord?
Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the Lord, and do not rely on your opinions. With all your heart, rely on him to guide you (through Grief).
Then it goes on to say vs., 8
Then you will find the healing refreshment your body and spirit long for.

I do believe in the ONE whom God sent: Jesus. And I believe and trust in his word. And I am not ashamed to say; I asked for the miraculous; trust me, some of you were there.

But ultimately, God never overrides a person’s free will. Mom chooses to be with her heavenly father, God. And God is love; it says so in scripture (1 John 4:8, 4:16). Mom is surrounded in love.

The Lord dropped a vision of a resurrection plant (Rose of Jericho) blooming in my heart.

It is a small gray plant that curls its branches and seedpods inward in the dry season, forming a lifeless-looking ball. IT can survive for years in that form, but once moistened (watered), it revives and blooms.

Mom is fully bloomed and more glorious than we have ever seen.
So as we walk out the rest of our life journey, let’s not curl up in a lifeless ball. Let the refreshing water of God’s word refresh you.

Isaiah 12:3 – With joy, you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

Revelation 22:17 MSG IF anyone thirsty – come – All who will come and drink, drink freely of the water of Life.

It is incredible how a person can go from being excited about the future – looking forward and seeing all the possibilities to feeling and seeing the opposite.

What has changed? Mindsets.

It all has to do with what one rehearses in their mind. Let me share my experiences with my mom during her last seven days before stepping into heaven.

Exhaustion from emotional ups and down the past week wore me out. Bringing enough joy and faith into the room for mom was a heavy task.

It reminded me of when Bob dug a vast bolder from the ground with the backhoe. The wheels on this heavy-duty equipment are tremendous and aired up to maximum pressure. However, when he carried the bolder to place it at the end of the drive – the tires looked flat. The weight of the rock had put so much pressure on the wheels that they seemed to have no air.

The first few days my brother and I were in Montana, I noted all the medical things happening, and the things mom had spoken to me (us). I ensured I communicated everything to my sister-in-law so that she could explain our mom’s condition in laymen’s terms more clearly.

Thinking of these facts put a heaviness on me as I prepared to go to the hospital for another day being at mom’s side. My hope was flattened after three days, like the backhoe tires.

My spirit was becoming crushed with my heart and mind set on the facts, not the truth of God’s word.

Proverbs 12:25 EVS – Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

What things weigh us down? Hopelessness.

Hopelessness swirls in the air around us that it has become the very ingredient in most conversations and the outlook of many. 

Hopelessness is how I began to see my mom’s passing; the outcome for her did not come to be as I (we) would have liked.

But ultimately, my mother is no longer in pain; she is no longer alone and is in the presence of pure, unconditional love (God is love). My faith in this gives me hope to move forward. Thinking the opposite would only crush me to the point of being motionless.

I recently heard a message that said; Fear tolerated is faith contaminated. Fatih is what separates us from the fear running rapidly in this world.

If we can learn to stop and think about what we are thinking, we can cut off the stings of hopelessness that ties us down. 

Romans 5:1-2 NIV

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in hope for the glory of God.

So as we walk out this week, let’s keep our key, hope, in our pocket to unlock the doors that keep us from moving forward.

Last week my days were filled with all sorts of communication concerning a family member, which became overwhelming to keep everyone in the loop. Text messages, phone calls, emails, and repeating information to keep everyone updated wore me down. Trying to speak with the different personalities I try to communicate with was very difficult; some like the facts, some like to talk in circles, some are just plain chatty, and repeating themselves exhausted me. 

Then navigating through the responses on how to handle the situation, of course, this isn’t in a room where all parties can talk – no, it is on three-way calls, or,  talking to one person, hang up and repeat all that was said to another.

Emotions got involved, not that feelings are wrong. But, when we allow how we feel to alter our normal behavior or personality, it is time to pull back and evaluate ‘why’ we are getting upset. Then go back to the table (so to speak) and come up with a solution. I am evaluating ‘why’ I let my emotions become strings that the puppet master manipulated my behavior. I am not saying I am not accountable for handling the situation wrong, and I need to ask those involved to forgive my harsh demeanor and words. 

Though I think about how often this scenario happens regarding all critical issues. Sadly more often than not, when emotions become heightened, people pull out, become unengaged, and throw in the towel.

No wonder people are relucted to get involved in the community in which they live. With the responsibilities, one has with family, work, and home, the thought of adding one more thing to their plate could cause one to turn their back and say, “let someone else deal with it.”

King David probably thought this way from time to time. His memory as a shepherd boy with the green valleys and gentle streams probably had him consider taking his crown off and stepping away from the demands of being a leader. I believe the words he declared when he threw the stone that killed the giant rang in his heart to continue. What were those words? “Is there not a cause? (1 Samuel 17:29 KJV)

“Cause” also means history. Is there not a history to fight for? Is there not a history that we can anchor our faith in? 

You may wonder what this has to do with last week’s emotional week.

I am encouraged and find the energy to continue communicating with my extended family by remembering our history. Yes, we are dysfunctional, but I need the focus on the good each person brings. We all want the same thing; we have different approaches to achieving those things. By giving each person the space to communicate without snarky remarks or disdainful facial expressions, discord loses its power. 

When I know that I will be involved in a conversation of great importance, I humble myself and pray for Jesus to be in the mist; Jesus: Prince of Peace. I humble myself to keep pride out of the conversation and pray the way Jesus instructed in Matthew 6:9-13 “your will be done.”

We all have those testimonies, HIStory, when God answered our prayers. The cities we live in have a history of being great in one way or another. Not great in a prideful way as “look at us.”  But great in being a peaceful, vibrant community. We should let that stir our hearts; then, we find the energy to stand up and step out.

It was dropped in my heart years ago: prayer goes before change.

Let’s learn to work together by changing our approach when stepping out to get involved. We do that with prayer; then, we will see results that bring the outcome that Jesus has obtained for us; victory over darkness.