Have you ever taken time to really study for a test or exam, and then feel totally unprepared once it was time to take it? Well that was me a few days back. It wasn’t an exam I was preparing for, it was an interview.

I was blessed to have an interview last Thursday for a different position at my current place of employment. The confirmation email that I received of my interview time had also informed me that I would be tested in a couple of areas. I was thankful for the extra time to prepare.

During the time I was studying for my interview I thought I was also in prayer about it. Asking God to give me wisdom, but in reality I was trying to find wisdom online. I mean, what does God know about purchase verses lease agreements, right?

Unfortunately, like everything you can search online, there were at least 10 different arguments of why one is better than the other. I was trying to get good direction but only ended up overwhelmed and confused even more that when I originally started.

Luckily I had a friend I could call, and he explained a few things to me. I had even interviewed an accountant at a non-profit organization and was feeling pretty confident that I had a good understanding. Bottom line, it just boiled down to some basic common sense, and that I have.

Though when Thursday morning arrived I found myself scrambling around in my office looking for my notes to study a bit more, but I could not find them. The understanding that I felt I had the night before was lost, along with my notes. Before I knew it I was behind schedule and didn’t even get to have my devotional time. As hurried to get around for work, I started to ask myself why I was even doing this.

Now up to that point I wasn’t even getting nervous about my interview. I had confidence that God had my destiny in His hands, remembering what He asked me 6 months prior; ‘Do you trust me?’

Looking back it is amazes me how over a short few hours that morning I had turned from a confident woman of God to an insecure mouse wanting to hide under her desk.

With all that preparing and studying that I did, and even with all the prayers that were being said on my behalf, I failed to do one thing. The most important thing of all, I forgot to ask God to be with me in the interview.

Usually, when I have my quiet time in the morning, I tell God how thankful I am that he is with me, and that apart from him I can do nothing. I do this more of a reminder to myself; that the only reason that I am able to do the things I do is because of Him. I don’t say it for God’s sake; I say it for my own, so not to get so prideful that I fall on my face. Or, on the flip side, I don’t get so intimated that I don’t even ‘try’.

Sitting in that interview I could not figure out why I was so disoriented. I had a hard time articulating; it was almost as if I threw all my words on the floor and picked them up randomly to form my sentences. The testing time I was at a loss, and I had to read and re-read several times before I even understood what was being asked. Once my thought processes started, my time was up. Ahhh!

So! You may be asking how my interview went. Have you ever felt like you were standing in public with your pajamas on? Well, like that.

However, I learned a valuable lesson; with all the preparedness that I can do, if I don’t ask God to be with me I won’t be prepared at all.

As I sat listening to the young woman’s testimony questions started to surface in my mind. She described how her hope for relationships to be restored by God became the only thing that she focused on, even to the point of denial.

It made total sense to her, and to me, that it had to be God’s will for restoration. I mean that is what God does, restores. However as this beautiful blonde woman continued to share her story it didn’t end the way she had pictured it. Yes, God was there, many glorious things transpired those years that this part of her story unfolded. Yet, it didn’t end the way her hearts desired it would, and I found myself asking; is my ‘hearts desires’ God’s will or my own will?

I would like to believe I am ‘in sync’ with Heavenly Father so much that I would be able to distinguish between the two, but I am not so sure. Even though it seems right, it may not be God’s will. Am I allowing Him to be God in my life however that looks? Or, am I telling God how my life should look?

Lord, I pray that I would continue to examine myself and honestly answer this question; what is my motive behind the things I do. My prayer would be that my truthful answer will reveal to me if I am walking in Your will, or my own. Amen

My husband and I had a friend pass away this past week, and we went to his ‘celebration’. It wasn’t a funeral, it was a celebration. Now don’t get me wrong there were tears shed on the loss of such a wonderful man. However we could not be too sad knowing that our friend is no longer in pain and is with our heavenly father.

 
It was truly a beautiful service; the pastor officiating painted a glorious picture of our fiend’s welcome home party that was going on in heaven. He even said that ‘funerals’ are for those of us left behind. And that our friend is probably not even aware of what we were doing here on earth because he is so full of joy at that moment taking in the full glory of God.

Wow! The mental image comforted me, even though I know this all to be true, I guess I never really fully imagine what it would be like in heaven. If I have, I never thought of it the way that the pastor painted it for me that day. Then Psalm 51:12 was brought to the forefront of my mind.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Restore in me the joy of my salvation. I mean, when things look dark and grim I can still have joy. Because when it is all said and done and my physical body has died, my spirit will be in the presence of our glorious one as he welcomes me home. And I can just even imagine what joy I will have face to face with my Heavenly Father.

For me personally I cannot go out the door in the morning without spending time at the table (so do speak) digesting God’s holy word if I am to be Christ like; loving others unconditionally, be forgiving, and extend grace. If fail to focus on the behavior I am to have I could very easily act in the wrong way- default in the sinful nature.

Let me explain the sinful nature. It is not just those ‘real bad’ things that we automatically think of, like murder, or robbing a bank. In Galatians 5 it reads that the sinful nature can be having jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambitions, or even discord. So yes, if I don’t guard myself and feed on God’s word I could very easily fall into any one of those traps.

Well, I have a confession to make. The past couple of weeks I have been really struggling and could not figure out why. I would enter in my office every morning for quiet time with God, but, I would leave feeling pretty much the same way. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I wasn’t spending time in with Him.

Disappointment had crossed my path, yet again and I was telling myself all the things I know to be true but it wasn’t connecting with my heart.

Then one morning, with my heart was broken beyond description I asked God; ‘What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I shake this? I am spending time with you but I am not feeling your peace.’

With that question I instantly remembered the times that I had made breakfast for my kids before school, a good nourishing breakfast. However they did not have time to talk with me about what their day will hold (tests, specials, or after school agenda’s) let alone eat something. Either they spent too much time getting around, completing assignments that need to be turned in, or just hitting the ‘snooze’ button on the alarm clock one too many times. Whichever the case would be, they ended up grabbing a piece of toast and rush out the door as they yelled; “I love you mom”.

That was me, instead of spending quality time with God and sharing with him my disappointment and reading scripture. I ended up being busy doing too many things that I end up just reading a short little devotional. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a devotional (piece of toast) every now and then, but nothing compares to reading Gods word daily.

Once I stopped being busy and got honest with God (and myself) and read scripture that had encouraged me was I able to shake the sadness, and disharmony within myself that I was experiencing.

Moral of the story…
Toast is okay once in a while but nothing beats a nutritious breakfast, like scrabbled eggs. In other words, slowdown in the morning and make sure you stop at the table to eat and even have a conversation with God about things that are going on in your life.

I had just finished a writing project that had me reflect back on my life and it amazes me as I look at my past how God’s hand has been protecting me, even before I knew him.

One morning this past week I woke up remembering a night when I was about 18 years old. It was when I had my very first tax withholding ‘real’ job. The company was having their annual Christmas party and I was so excited about going- my first real party. I had on ‘leggings’ with high heel shoes and a large festive sweater. Of course my hair was teased up and hair spray to hold it in place. I was rocking it!

Once I arrived I was greeted with warm welcoming hugs and was handed a drink. Little did I know that my co-workers had pre-planned on getting me, the new girl, drunk. I kept drinking the sweet mixed drinks as they were handed to me. Everyone was laughing, and all of us girls kicked off our shoes and danced to the music on the dance floor. However over time I got real warm and decided to go outside to get some air. Though once I stepped outside I started go for a walk and walked away from the party. I had no clue where I was going but just kept walking. I didn’t have a coat on nor did I have shoes on. I can recall thinking to myself ‘Where am I?’

It was a college town and I saw many sorority houses lit up but I couldn’t find my way back to the party. All of the sudden I heard a dog barking and remembered I heard a dog bark when I left the party, so I just followed the sound. Not really even pay attention to where I was walking, just focusing on the dog. Once I got to the where the party was, everyone gasped as they grabbed my shivering body and brought me in from the cold. I was given a warm blanket and coffee to drink. Later, when I was more coherent, they had told me that I was gone for close to an hour and they had no clue where I had gone. Then they asked me; where did you go? I had told them that I went for a walk, and lost my way and if it wasn’t for me following the sound of the dog barking I didn’t know where I would be. They looked somewhat puzzled and said; ‘we didn’t hear any dog barking. We went looking for you and called your name, didn’t you hear us? No, I said I just heard the dog.

As I laid in my bed recalling that night years ago, I just shook my head. That is when I heard God say; ‘I was with you that night Georgia, I lead you back to that party.’

Even during some of the darkest times of my life there has always been a glimmer of hope inside that kept me going and I believe it was God the whole time. Thank you Lord for being with me always.