Those of you that are familiar with my husband Bob and I – know we had an exciting weekend last Saturday.   Bob was interviewed by the Elkhart Truth about a month ago and they finally ran the story.  Front page of the Life section.  Our phones didn’t stop ringing; people were calling me asking me how it felt to be married to a hometown celebrity or telling me how awesome the story was, and it was.

But every time his phone or mine rang I got greener and greener with envy.  To be honest I was whining inside to myself. “What about me? I had to have faith too during that time; sometimes I had to have it for the both of us.  Is anyone running a story on me?  No!”

Again those of you that know me know, that I can not hide my emotions, I wear them right out there for everyone to see – it is very embarrassing especially when my behavior is so so wrong.

I knew that I had to deal with it, so I had time Sunday morning to reflect and try to get in the right frame of mind before going to church – again I wear my emotions on my sleeves  for all to see, and I didn’t want everyone at church to know that I was…Jealous.

It was one of those rare Sundays that we did not need to be at church early so I had a few hours – and trust me, I needed a few more because once we got to church realized I was in in trouble.  Everyone at church was patting Bob on the back and telling him what an awesome testimony he had.

I thought that I had killed that little green monster inside me, but no it was still there. Trying hard to keep those emotions in check I had to focus on other things.  It is embarrassing to say that I couldn’t be happy for my husband.  It was hard for me to center my thoughts in on the Pastors message.

Isn’t awesome how God can speak to us through our Pastors!

Pastor Chris talked about the “pruning the branches” and that God is the master gardener. John 15:1-4

God started talking loudly to me in my spirit.   First off, He reminded me that if He thought that I needed any kind of encouragement and “pats” on the back He would not have withheld them from me, in fact of the matter I have gotten a lot of encouragement and affirmation.  But this was for Bob! God wanted to encourage Bob and let him know He was pleased with him.

Boy – was I feeling like a poop head!  God went on to say that I have some issues that He needed to work through with me – pride, and jealousy just to name a few.  That HE need to trim some of my branches that are not bearing fruit. Pruning!  God confronted me and asked; “Did you not say that you wanted to be a part of my will – the seen and the unseen? Is it about you getting glory or me? You need to dig deep and be honest and answer WHY this bothers you? I see all, I know what you have endured and I also see Bobby’s heart more clearly than you do.”

God said many things to me last Sunday and then Pastor ended his message by saying this. “I don’t want to take advantage of the Grace given to me and that is what I am doing when I know I am sinning.” Or something like that…

Well if I wasn’t feeling totally convicted before I was then.  I wish I would have behaved properly and been the wonderful wife that I sometimes believe I am – allowing my husband to have his moment without making him feel unworthy or bad for me.

So with that all said – I would like it if you to go to this link and enjoy the story that ran last Saturday in the Elkhart Truth.  And please post all your wonderful comments and encouraging words you would like to say to my hometown celebrity – my husband, Bob.

I am so proud of him.

http://www.etruth.com/Know/News/Story.aspx?ID=542104

If your not able to just click on this link just copy and paste into your address bar.

I was up early yesterday morning reading scriptures and thinking about what this week’s devotional was going to be about.  A sense of failure washed over me as I thought about how little time I spent in the past writing the devotional.  Yes, there are times that my weekend is just too busy, but I usually start writing my blog and then the devotional.  As my weekend ran out of time, the devotional page suffered.

Then God asked me again a question that He has asked me before; “What is your intention, what do you want to accomplish with the website?” To point people to you Lord, I answered.

Then I instantly realized that by me putting more time in the “blog” then writing a devotional I was putting myself first. With that realization guilt washed over me like a great wave.

“Lord, have I been pointing to myself instead of you? Please forgive me Lord”

I have felt a block in connecting with God in my prayer time and couldn’t figure out why; I just figured that I didn’t have enough time to hear Him.  Little did I know that “block” was me!  I was instantly broken and just cried.  I have been putting myself first before God.

At the foot of the cross is the only place that I can find forgiveness.  Humbling myself before God I confessed my sin, and asked God to forgive me.  As I spent time there at the cross – just being still – I felt HIM there next to me.

I want to apologize to everyone. With all my heart I want to encourage you to chase after God, read your scriptures, and get understanding.  I want to cheer you on in the things of the Lord.  I don’t want to point to my life.  That isn’t my goal.   I want to point your sights UP.

So in the future, my priority is to write a devotional each week, if I write something for my blog page – good, if I don’t, oh well.

Until next time, be blessed my friends, and keep reading your scriptures.

Yet again I had the challenging task of shopping for clothes.  I need a dress;  my husband is getting an award at the State House down in Indianapolis.  But I really have to get myself in the mindset to go and do such a chore.

This time I did a little research about styles for women my age. Yes, I hate to say it but I am a Middle age woman and I need to get over it! I read several articles and with a common point in each – we don’t want to dress like our daughters but, we don’t want to dress like our mothers either, and we end up just looking “frumpy” to avoid the issue all together. That’s me!

So again, I had to educate myself on what would “flatter” my shape without looking like I am in a straight jacket.

To tell you the truth I really need to have someone coach me on the subject like on “What Not To Wear” without all the embarrassment.

I have decided that I really need to stop looking at some of the popular “Super Marts” out there for my clothes. The limited selection at such stores stress me out, I compromise myself and settle for an outfit that they had to offer. I usually end up regretting what I purchased and taking it back or worse wear it and feel like a fish out of water – totally awkward!

I am an adult and need to shop an age appropriate store; maybe there I could find styles that would agree with me. So my husband and I (a couple of country mice) went into the big city to try our luck at some of the department stores there. I told my husband “Now be patient with me, I don’t like doing this. I am only good for maybe four or five outfit changes and then I am at the end of my rope, so please don’t push me.” Long story short we found something for the event, not a dress, but something very nice.

My husband did get a little zealous about giving me things to try on and I had to keep talking myself down the “mental” ledge that I felt that I was hanging from.

But this got me thinking. How many times do we try to make things work for us that deep down inside we know isn’t us to begin with. I am not talking about clothes here but life in general.

Our jobs, how many people choose their profession based on what someone else “thinks” they should do, or forced to choose a higher position when they are content in the position they have.

How about our hobbies? Do you sometimes feel forced to join a league of some sort because they need one more to make a team, and really it’s not your “thing”.

Or how we spend our free time, some people really enjoy taking beautiful photographs of nature but it that isn’t for everyone.

Don’t think badly of yourself if you aren’t fitting in the mold people think you should fit in – you shouldn’t. God did make us all individually different, proof of that is in your finger print.

I want to encourage you to try new things; find out what gives you enjoyment. Don’t compromise your life (a gift from God) by limiting yourself in what others think.

Fewer hours doesn’t necessarily mean less stress. I applied for an open position at work that is 32 hours a work week – with the possibility it would grow to 40 hours.  My hope would be that on that “one” day off it would free up more time to pursue my heart felt endeavors.

I had asked my supervisor – and the supervisor at the other office – if I could have the opportunity to spend a day observing all the responsibility that went with the job I was applying for – which I was granted.

First off, it is the most beautiful office that I have ever seen.  I was told that in the spring the flowers and blooming trees are breath taking, which I can almost imagine.  The office is tucked away in the middle of a field and when you look out the windows it as if the whole world has slowed down.  The staff at that office is the sweetest people; it is truly like a little family. But oh my goodness! For being a little office a lot of things go on at the same time. At the Elkhart office we have a lot going on but there are several teams working together to get the job done.  There at the East Office, the small staff is trained to play a lot of different positions.

As I left the office at the end of the day my mind was spinning- so many things to learn. “Can I do it; do I even want to try to do it?”  At the Elkhart office I have gotten comfortable, it is repetitious at times.  Yes my stress levels can shoot sky high dealing with all the emotions of those patients that cross my path – but it is a stress I know, the other office it would be a stress that I am not familiar with.  I was mentally exhausted when I drove out of the parking lot.

If I would take this new position my lunch hours would be consumed with what I needed to get done that it wouldn’t be a break at all.  To tell the truth, with my type of personality I would probably punch out for lunch but work through to get things caught up.  It would be like a never ending story, and I don’t believe “everything” could ever be caught up.  There is too much to do.

I know that on my “one” day off, it would take me too long to clear my head to focus on writing.  I know myself; I would analysis everything that I did the week before and think about every thing that I would need to do the week ahead.

As I wrestled with all these thoughts on my way to a worship meeting that I had to be at -I got to the point that I couldn’t breathe.  Bottom line, I kept asking myself would I be able to write.  Would I be able to hear God to write?  Or would my mind be so full of the things at work.

To tell you the truth I felt defeated in some way, thinking about the job at the East Office, my spirit was already heavy.  I even started to believe that maybe this “purpose” that God has for me is all in my head – maybe I should take the position, it would certainly “beef” up my work resume, gaining a lot of “work” experience in many different areas.  As my thoughts turned to what I would gain in the “work force” my dream starting to slip away from me and I felt defeated.

Then God gave me my answer – one of the ladies at the worship team meeting asked me something that I have secretly waited for and thought of often.  She asked me if I would be willing to speak at a small woman’s retreat in October! Oh my goodness! I couldn’t believe what I just had been asked! All these wonderful thoughts came to mind. I started to ask the Lord want HE wanted me to share and got so excited! I thought that this day would never come.  My heart started to lift, and the heaviness that was on me was lifting off as well. I couldn’t help but praise God in my spirit.

I saw myself … walking down the ships plank, taking one last deep breath- then holding it, getting ready to abandon ship. Then all at once I felt God himself, grabbed me the very moment that I was about to jump, and say to me; “ no my child you are on the right course, this ship is not lost at sea, you will soon see land.”

I know my answer!  I can see clearly now!  No, this new position would not be the right direction for me.  I really have to think about myself here and not what is expected of me; if I truly believe that God is calling me to something – then why would I pour myself into something that isn’t moving me in that direction.

God is so indescribably good to me!! Thank you LORD for grabbing me before I jumped!!

Last Thursday I had yet another Doctors appointment (ENT), still trying to pin point the reason that I have been experiencing the symptoms that I have. As I walked into the examining room, I was comforted, and thought to myself – this guy is going to get to the bottom of things.

As I looked on the wall it wasn’t lined with pamphlets of different types of medications, with promised relief for different disorders, but informational pamphlets of the anatomy of the ear, sinus, and even the tongue. Over on the counter I saw “old school” tools of the trade, and few other things that I haven’t seen before. Either way I had a peace about it this; by just looking around the room I felt this Doctor is serious about his patients.

It seems that most of the other examining rooms that I have visited before looked the same. Wall lined with medication pamphlets, a very clean sink and counter, cabinets (filled with who knows what – maybe more pharmaceutical pamphlets) digital thermometer (mounted on the wall) blood pressure cuff (again mounted on the wall) and in some cases, a computer.

After he listened to me and my husband explain some of the things that I have experienced and what tests that have been done and the results of these test he looked at me and said; open your mouth and say “A” as he used a tongue suppressor.

I believe he was surprised to see that I still had my tonsils. Then he looked in my ears (of course) and felt around on my throat and listened to my heart and lungs – you know the usual.

“Well I want you to go down the hall so that we can test your hearing.” I thought for sure that the test would revel my hearing was bad in one or both ears. But to my surprise the doctor walked back into the examining room with the results of this test he said; “You have above normal hearing, not only in the higher pitches but the lower ones too and you scored perfectly on distinguishing vowel sounds.

So all those times I asked my husband to turn down the television it wasn’t that I wanted something to complain about – which is what he thought, it was because it was truly loud for me.

“You do not have fluid on your ears and that this is not an inner ear problem. I want to order some blood work, to see if you have some chemical imbalances.”

Both Bob and I were relieved, because I have been asking the doctors to do some blood work on me to see if it was something simple. It gets frustrating to go through different “expensive” tests and still have no answers.

Really can it be as simple as Blood work?

Then I stared to think about the Blood of Christ. How many times do we want to fix the symptoms of emptiness, numbness, passionless life with expensive things? Buying a new sports car, new clothes, new home, maybe even thinking a new family would fix things, but the whole time we are only consuming bigger and bigger bills, and bigger and bigger heart ache. A person who feels dissatisfaction can find purpose and fulfillment when he/she accepts the free gift of salvation that only comes from the Blood that was shed for us at Calvary.

Do you have symptoms listed above?
Are you trying to find answers with expensive things – tests?

Let me assure you, there are answers in the Blood.